From: Todd Kover From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic) Forwarded-by: "Linda Branagan" -- by Art Hoppe Special to the Free Press SAN FRANCISCO --The political analyst on CNN said the voters elected a Republican Congress because they "wanted to try bipartisanship." I asked my friend, George Screwum, who is a voter, if this were true. "No, no," he said, aiming a kick at a passing kitten. "We did it because we were sick and tired of gridlock and wanted a change." But won't the president have an even tougher time getting any legislation passed? "Screw him," said George, happily squashing a ladybug that had lighted on the handle of his black umbrella. And you tossed out a number of veteran Democrats like Tom Foley who were doing well for their constituents. George nodded. "Screw 'em," he said. As for the Republicans, they'll now be responsible for the do-nothing government we'll have during the next two years. "Screw them, too," George agreed. Aren't you worried that the Republicans, if they do anything, will cut back Social Security for your aged mother? "Screw her," said George. And they'll do their best to lop off welfare payments for the poor, thereby encouraging them to take up a life of crime. "And the horse they rode in on," said George. What about California? I see you turned down virtually every bond issue, including one for mass transit that would have reduced traffic jams for you commuters. "Screw 'em," George said, contentedly. Yet you pushed through Proposition 187, which is clearly illegal. Is it worth a bundle in legal fees on the off chance you can persecute a bunch of illegal aliens? George positively beamed. "Screw 'em," he said. And this three-strikes initiative you passed in a landslide. Won't it cost you billions for new prisons and custodial care to lock up a passel of car thieves and forgers for life? "Screw 'em," said George, drawing a finger across his throat. One race I don't understand. Why did you let a hen-pecked twit like Huffington come within a gnat's whisker of beating a hard-working, honest, efficient senator like Dianne Feinstein? "Screw her," George said. Yes, but in the end, Huffington lost. "And him, too," said George. Hold on there, George. It seems to me that just to take revenge on the president, the Democrats, the bureaucrats, the aliens, the felons and your poor aged mother, you've created a new dimension in gridlock, cut pork to your own district and saddled yourself with all sorts of extra government costs. Aren't you chopping off your nose to spite your face? A glow of sheer delight suffused George's features as he triumphantly rubbed his hands. "Screw me," he said.